Daniel in living color...

Daniel continues to be the biggest Jekyll and Hyde - on one hand he can be FABULOUS: Kind, loving, sensitive, generous and a hard worker and on the other, so out of control it's unreal. I know that I would *NEVER* have comprehended it without experiencing it. We love him, but he makes a large portion of our lives pretty hellish. I wish we had some hope of a solution, but I have come to the conclusion that he has serious physiological & psychological issues that will never be resolved in this life. You can get more details if you want them at our adoption blog (see the link in the upper right corner of this blog). Of course, he does behave pretty well for most people he interacts with on a limited basis. Which also contributes to my STILL not understanding WHY and HOW it all works?! And means that as kind and caring as people are, few *really* UNDERSTAND what we're dealing with - which I don't begrudge because unless I had lived it, that would have been me. But it doesn't make it easier. All I *know* for sure is that we tried EVERYTHING *consistently* for seven years with absolutely NO improvement in his behavior. So now we're to the point of backing off, and just SURVIVING with the least amount of flak.

He loves animals and is very good with all kinds. He spends more time with Rascal than anyone else, and Rascal now sleeps on his bed - an arrangement that makes them both happy. At the zoo, Nadia and Daniel had face painting (Ben didn't want it). They were painted *beautifully*, but for some reason, just did HALF their faces?! Daniel chose a dog, and Nadia a cheetah- you can sort of see their faces in this picture. And yes, with Rich graduated and just working, we got to spend a LOT more time with him. The kids loved it and everyone misses him now he's in Seattle.



Daniel decided he didn't want to swim, play tennis or do track this year. (Last year he *said* he wanted to, but refused to participate in any of them - just stood and watched.) He did want to do basketball, soccer, Skiing with W.A.S. (see Nadia's entry), and did quite well with them. He *loves* to draw, and is very good, so we hope we can capitalize on that. He spends a huge amount of his time pottering around the yard - invariably taking apart and destroying things we don't want taken apart, but we've come to the conclusion that it's a small price to pay for relative peace. We just try to watch him that he doesn't get into BIG things. And we try to keep him pretty close to home so he's not getting into others' stuff. His kleptomania is unchanged despite consequencing him up the wazoo on that. "Keeping him close to home" gets harder and harder to do as he gets older - for instance - When he's "on one" he just won't get on the bus at school. And then he'll wander around, sometimes for HOURS, before he comes home. We've given up trying to search for him - as it just means 4 or 5 hours of wasted time. He eventually comes home. We've also gotten to the point where we just don't try to "make" him do anything - because it's a sure fire way to bring on a mega-meltdown. If we could come through the meltdowns and avert them in the future because he doesn't like the consequences, we'd continue to deal with them. But he doesn't learn or change anything the next time around, so it's a fruitless exercise. He does still lose privileges, etc., but it's hard.

He was OVER THE MOON when he got to ride with his cousin on PJ's motorbike. He would love nothing as much as a dirt bike and a 4-wheeler. Of course, if we had them, I'm quite sure they'd just go the way of all the other stuff we've ever given him (the scooter, the bike, the cd player, the night vision goggles, the remote controlled car, etc., etc... all in a million pieces, never able to be put back together). We continue to have to lock up as much as we can. As far as Daniel's concerned, ANYTHING he WANTS is fair game. And if we ever leave our keys out, or a door unlocked by accident, he's on it in a HEARTBEAT. For instance, I just retrieved a whole TON of stuff from his room that he got from our closet - among them a camera that's completely destroyed. We make him pay back enough that it hurts (he doesn't have a lot of money), but it never makes any difference the next time around.

Our neighbors, the Reids, took Daniel for a lot of the summer. He "helped" them at their rentals and such. They are *fantastic* and we owe them more than we could ever repay in an eternity. They have helped us keep our sanity and have an incredible attitude about "we're here to help others". Sadly (for us) they moved 15 minutes south of us. They are still willing to help, but it's just not practical as much anymore.

Daniel was excited to graduate from 6th grade but found Junior High pretty difficult. With some help from the counselors and teachers there, he seems to be settling, but they are also adjusting by not *requiring* him to tow the line - again - for the above reasons. Although he will never excel, we'd just like to "get him through"! He decided he wants to do percussion in the school band, and he does very well at that. Mmmmmm... Can't figure out why... He gets to make a bunch of noise and it's ENCOURAGED. Ben has been lamenting that he didn't choose percussion.

Daniel is also scheduled for some more surgeries next year, but I'm loathe to do too much. I really don't want to do braces. Because of the cleft palate issues, the braces are a LOT more expensive, and we can't make him brush his teeth. He routinely appropriates all sorts for late-night snacks and eats it in his bed. So I don't want to pay for braces for him. I reckon he'll be lucky to have any teeth by the time he's 25. We even had him contribute to the cost of his fillings - having the dentist explain to him how he's having more problems because he doesn't take care of his teeth. But nothing changes. It makes things at home really, really tough many days.